I decided today that ending a marriage is like a concert. Sometimes you think its over, but then the band comes back out and plays another song when you just want to go home. With divorce, you think it’s finally done, and then your ex gets engaged. I found an old card in my desk today – literally stuck in the drawer just waiting to be found. It says “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.“ I held the card in my hand and it was all clear to me. If I sit and wait, I’m going to have to endure the encore of marriage, kids, dysfunctional holiday, and god-knows what else. It’s only over when I believe it is. And only then can I truly get on with my life. So, I’m getting up and I’m going home. Granted, home is smaller and a bit lonelier at times, but it’s a new start and I am so much wiser than I was when this all started. So, now that we are at the beginning, how do we begin? These are my top 5 tips for starting over:
1) Don’t dwell. You can’t undo the past – just learn from it.
2) Be thankful. Look for the good things that came out of your marriage- kids, memories, new friends, family, etc.
3) Be realistic. Don’t expect perfection next time as some kind of reward for the past.
4) Own up. Take responsibility for your role in whatever went wrong.
5) Use props. Time, wine, yoga, Lexapro – take what you need to get through it.
Since I’m officially done bitching- Next blog I am going to give some tips on specific things I have done to move forward (dating, cooking, single parenting, etc.) I look forward to sharing the successes (and messes) with you.