Fear and Loathing in Florida
If you subscribe to my weekly blogs, you know I took a break to find my funny. Well, I think I found it on my trip to Florida. Its wedged between some hurt and anger, under a tiny bit of loneliness. The good news is I think I can get to it..and! Guess what? I found my fear too. I didn’t even know it was lost until my flight here. I used to be afraid of everything. Especially flying (well crashing, really). Ironically, my first blog post on Halloween (I figured it was a fitting holiday to launch the Happily Ever Aftermath) was about falling. Falling down, falling in love, and free falling. I proclaimed I wasn’t afraid to fall. Yay me! But I suppose I was still afraid to crash. On my really turbulent red eye to Ft Lauderdale a few days ago I realized that I’m no longer afraid to fly. I lost my fear (or found it?!) Was it because I just didn’t care anymore? Hell, what better way to make the pain stop than a nice 30,000 foot drop. But …I know now – that’s not it. Its because a messy life is sort of like the proverbial car (or plane) crash.. you want to look away, but you can’t. You slow down, you gawk, and then you move on. So I have decided to leave my fear exactly where I found it. Buried beside resentment, revenge, and a little loathing. While faxing some nasty divorce papers from my hotel I felt that my funny might be lost for good. And then my boyfriend, seeing my documents and despair, quipped “Please remind me never to get married”. I laughed my ass off. And I knew – My funny wasn’t gone, it just checked out for a bit.